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This week my heart is breaking for my daughter. She is learning one of life's really brutal lessons in two parts as her boyfriend is supposed to be moving on Friday. There is a reason you have "first" love instead of just Love and sometimes things are just beyond our control.

I will be honest, I don't care for the boy and I have been holding my breath waiting for the tears when he breaks up with her over the phone or actual proof that he is a cheater and a liar(as her brother firmly believes). I would have preferred a break up over this though, these moves leave so many what if's for the kids and it is so hard for them to move on from. I should know, by the time I was her age I was such an expert at packing and moving that I could have worked for Rat.

I got so used to moving that it seemed pointless to make friends after a while but if we stayed anywhere long enough I usually did. I am told that I am quite likable.

We moved a lot. Sometimes I knew and was able to tell my "friends" but there were a lot of times that I came home from school to find we were leaving or we moved over the holidays. I could never hope to keep in touch with those people I left behind. To me they were disposable but tonight as I watch my daughter start to grieve for a boy who could be walking out of her life for good by the end of this week I couldn't help but wonder if anyone had cried for me when I had moved. Had any of the children I had crossed paths with missed me? Had they looked for letters from me? At what point had they given up?

Her experience is giving me a fresh perspective since I have always considered myself quite forgettable. I am the first to say that people tend to forget me before I am even gone.

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SpellBound
04:20 Jan 31 2011

Yes I am sure this is very hard on her. But she has a wonderful mother to be there for her.

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Bijou
04:35 Jan 31 2011

this is always the hardest lesson for any young girl...just give her lots of hugs.....thankfully I have a while before i have to deal with this lesson with Trillian.

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moonkissed
05:00 Jan 31 2011

Thank you ladies, there will be lots of hugs and understanding over the next few months at least. I am not sure how far into Georgia he is moving but he does not have his own transportation or even a license. I figure that if he does not call, get on line or try to somehow visit then it's probably over and she needs to move on.

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Saetan
07:09 Jan 31 2011

Not quite forgettable:) I enjoy reading your journal quite a bit both online and off.

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moonkissed
07:29 Jan 31 2011

Thank you Saetan :)

You have no idea what that means to me.

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LadyChordewa
18:56 Jan 31 2011

This is why they are called "Growing Pains". She will survive but you knowing this in your heart, doesn't stop the hurt of seeing her hurting. Give her a hug and let her know you are there. That is all you can do.

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moonkissed
19:09 Jan 31 2011

Thanks LadyC. Yes I know it. I wish the boy would just break it off with her especially in light of what defeated1 told me last night; this boy is seeing a girl in town. This is really going to be a very hard lesson for her.

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I can't say it enough to people, I am 36 years old and have been online since 2006. I am still html retarded, I am afraid of every glitch and unfamiliar internet situations can cause me Xtreme confusion.

This morning I nearly had a meltdown over(of all things)paying my communications bill. My service provider underwent some sort of website changes in the last month. So when I logged on this morning(Great Googly Moogly)I had multiple choice options!

Ok ok, so I try to find a phone number...nothing just more web stuff! I almost started hyperventilating.

I know a lot of people think this is stupid. Technology moves faster than I can afford to keep up with it, I am one of the few people affected by the disappearance of the phone booth in today's world. I actually like touching books when I read them and I don't mind waiting for things! It's the best part of getting anything is the wait!

(breath)

Back to the bill; I called my service provider to ask for help learning to navigate the new mess. I was pleasantly surprised when the computer voice that kept asking me for information complied to my request to "just give me a person". It gave me no lip this time!

In the end people were very nice, the first person to take my call was sympathetic and the man who explained the new system to me did not laugh while I was on the phone with him, I am sure he did after I hung up. The bill got paid.

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Bijou
21:07 Jan 21 2011

:P don't worry i'm the same way i like to pay my bills and do my banking IN PERSON I wanna see were my money is going. and your 36yrs young not old :P

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moonkissed
21:50 Jan 21 2011

Bi, you are a sweetheart. I am glad to know that I am not alone.

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HerBadKitty
00:11 Jan 22 2011

Hey now sis your younger then me =}~

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My one great hope is that one day people will appreciate my sense of humor,

perhaps they will appreciate that I have humor...a titter would be nice once in a while or little half assed grin.

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HerBadKitty
09:15 Jan 21 2011

I appreciate your humor.... ^grins^

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Zilaheteb
09:53 Jan 21 2011

See that...HBC gave you a full assed grin... we get it ; )

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moonkissed
13:30 Jan 21 2011

Oh gawd! It's the kiss o death!

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DamionxApocalypse
04:54 Jan 22 2011

i like your humor even tho we haven't got to chat much lately

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moonkissed
04:56 Jan 22 2011

Maybe soon Damion. I am almost ready to call it a night at the moment but you know you can drop me a message anytime. I may be busy with all these people and things here, it does not mean I cannot take time for you too.

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sahahria
05:05 Jan 31 2011

:)

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This morning I wracked myself good. Got up early, had all the best intentions in the world. I need to catch up housework; well that's never ending. I wanted to spend quality time online and just basically be productive while enjoying myself.

That is shot. I will be moving like a granny for a couple of days, at least. Apparently when you combine wooden steps with thick frost what you get is me sliding right down them and bruising my left side while pulling the muscles in my upper back-left. I am lucky not to have twisted my ankle or worse, I am grateful for the ability to fall well. Even picking up a coffee cup hurts.



I forsee a long hot shower in my future, some anti inflammatory and possibly some Icy Hot.

I may not answer the phone today if it will be a long involved conversation because I do want to try to get some things done around here and I am low tech, this means that while my shoulder is out it would be very bad for me to be holding the phone between my shoulder and my ear while attempting to fold clothes, wash dishes, sweep floor, etc....



I will be talking to Myth about getting something put on those steps before someone else gets hurt or I end up layed up for weeks instead of days.

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xxKontradictionxx
20:11 Jan 20 2011

:(



oh hunny i am sorry.

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moonkissed
20:25 Jan 20 2011

Me too! As the day progresses it aches worse and worse and I know it is pinching my nerves because I am getting migraine symptoms. I didn't hit my head just my back and my butt.

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I was sitting here reading journals and I heard running water...looked around...o0

Nothing....nothing; suddenly I see it...a grey ball of fluff drinking from the water bowl. The thing is honestly bigger than she is, with two cats and two dogs I don't need a water BOWL. I need a trough.

Anyway, there is my Stormie kitty drinking from the water bowl and the very fast lap lap lap of her tongue sounds like the faucet has been left running.

This morning I have had a rare and sweet occurrence(on VR).

A real person, not a carbon copy of a single carbon based life form converted electronically and digitally to our society over and over again. An actual individual who joined the site.

He actually put together a sweet little basic profile and guess what...He fucking READS the profiles!

That is itself a rarity anymore. Coral, you made my fuckin' day.

Rock on!

Tomorrow we take the young lady to the dentist for the last time(hopefully)until July. She is getting a second filling and I know she is a little nervous.

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xxKontradictionxx
04:33 Jan 18 2011

aww; hope things turn out for the best for her. :)

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moonkissed
12:24 Jan 18 2011

Yeah me too, she had a little swelling last week but it went back down.

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I do not believe in; keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

First off, as far as I know I have no enemies. There may be people out there who do not like me; for whatever reason but I have not yet to my own knowledge set out to dislike and destroy anyone.

Secondly, why would anyone want to be close with someone they don't like. Of course I also don't understand the "grudge fuck". How does it go? I hate you so much I am going to screw the shit out of you! Um yeah, don't get it.

If someone doesn't like me, I don't want to play them; shit I don't even want them near me. I certainly won't walk up to a person that I don't like and pretend to be their friend. There are a lot of things I guess that I will never understand.

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dabbler
16:25 Jan 17 2011

People who do such things have a social pathology.

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moonkissed
16:53 Jan 17 2011

That probably is the case. I did mention to a friend this morning that I have not always been so "enlightened" but over time I did learn. I still can't understand why people persist in such behavior or what drives a person to such insanity.

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I guess it is late and we are thinking about sleep, I am taking votes on this...

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LadyDarkRayne
07:06 Jan 17 2011

i vote you stay up a bit longer =}~

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moonkissed
07:11 Jan 17 2011

Myth cast his vote absentee...bedtime says the man with the whip and the chair.

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xxKontradictionxx
07:14 Jan 17 2011

going to bed soonish muhself. :)

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moonkissed
07:15 Jan 17 2011

Me too, I am thinking the man may have to rise from his computer chair and grab me by the hair, hehehe

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I posted this in a forum and felt it worth sharing.





Recently I have questioned myself daily; why do I stay on this site. It seems like it has become such a soap opera. People screwing and fighting and dying inexplicably. Spying, cat fights, head games; has it always been like this and as my associations have developed I have become more aware? If this is the case I want the blinders back!



Why do I stay? Why, hmmm....funny how the answers evolve over time. There are some people I have met here who I fear I would fall out of touch with should I leave. I really enjoy the rare conversations and debates which are in no way site related with people who pay no heed to site politics. I like looking around and seeing the personalities and tastes of people who call themselves vampire's, goths or emo's. Hearing music I have never heard before....

There is a deeper darkness to the Dark Network and it takes away from what I used to consider a mysterious beauty.

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Vampirewitch39
16:15 Jan 16 2011

I understand your point.

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moonkissed
16:28 Jan 16 2011

Today I am looking at the site through fuzzy eyes anyway. I want to make some profile edits and just kick back. I probably need more coffee.

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HerBadKitty
18:21 Jan 16 2011

Nah, I would still call you or stalk you on facebook =}~

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moonkissed
18:26 Jan 16 2011

I know Kitty, I would need a change of addresses, phone number and a restraining order to get rid of you and even then I think I would still have to do something drastic to really be rid of you.

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Myth
18:48 Jan 16 2011

And you just couldn't leave This is the only site I am on anymore!



And then why I do seem to hang around? I think I am crazy.. thats why.I seem to have fun at it And honestly There are a hell of a lot of people on here I do like.What a strange addiction this is.

I was on here once and got very ticked off.. but we know that.. And I thought I was done.. But nOO I wasn't. A few of you got me back (you know who you are)



When you sign on any day of the week.. you never know what you will find, see, or hear on here.

And besides unlike facebook or myspace.. this is a smal small group of folks. The others are like New York or Chicago. This is like being in a tiny one stop sign town.Almost every one knows every one. That makes it more personal.

And besides no matter where or what site you are on.. you'll have the same thing happening.You just don't notice it as much there as you do here.



You can leave .. but you will come back. I know you would. You like it to much!

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moonkissed
18:55 Jan 16 2011

I know dear, you are right.

I am not on a pity pot or anything though. I just needed to spew. As long as I(you)have payed for my memberships there is zero likelihood of me deleting.

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After the Sunday night to Monday snow storm we were measuring nearly 5 inches of powder. The kids have been home since Monday and I am expecting the school to call off tomorrow too because there is just no point, it was only supposed to be a half day and even making it a whole day won't make up for the missed week.

I have been offline quite a bit this week largely because the temperatures have been so low, the snow has been covered since Monday afternoon with about a quarter inch sheet of ice and the kids were so bored I just handed over the computer.

Myth has also been home all week and finally went back to work this morning. He is trying to quit smoking and the computer(with the aid of nicotine patches)has been a useful diversion.

I hate that my time was cut so short this week but life happens, next week we have a holiday and a dentist appointment so it will be more of the same just no snow(I hope, stupid forcast is hinting at freezing rain on MLK day).

I hope that people can understand and it has not been to much of an inconvenience to anyone. I know that for some people the timing was just poor enough to be questionable as emails were not answered in a timely fashion and my VR time suddenly decreased.

It was just real life and nothing more.

It's working, it's working! 90% chance of snow/sleet on Monday just dropped to 80%!

It is a very blustery day; to paraphrase Milne.

I stayed up so late last night that by the time I got to bed it was early, araound 5am in fact. I am trying to shake that off.

Forgive me if I go a bit awry, my brain is cloudy at best but right it's clear outside! It is not expected to last. Snow is expected in the wee hours of Monday morning, guaranteeing me an early trip to the store Sunday morning for a bleary eyed attempt at filling the pantry before church lets out and all of upstate South Carolina dumps into the grocery stores like hoardes of Willard's rats to buy up and devour every perishable item in sight. All this in preparation for two days of miserable yet fun weather.

I have already posted about this in a forum in hopes of jinxing it and making the snow snow go away, I don't want the kids home two extra days.

I checked the weather and nothing has changed yet, perhaps after someone reads it.

A new year, a fresh start....today is the kids first day back to school and I am taking full advantage! For Christmas we got a second computer(finally)! We found it at the Boys Camp Wilderness store in Seneca for $30! Sweet little Apple eMac with it's quirks and foibles from being previously used but now the kids are busily facebooking and away on it and me?...When Myth is home I can still be online! I can facebook, VR and yahoo to my hearts content and when he goes back to work I can Hulu, fearnet and Netflix without the stress of knowing I am letting a coven down or wilting my rasberries.



Oh the freedom!



Rejoice! Rejoice! Ahhhhh

I love being able to say to my husband, while logged into VR

the things which I could so easily say in person...

without having to log out so that he can use the chair.



It is so nice having a second computer, finally!

Second best Christmas present ever!



First of course was you Dear :)

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Myth
04:17 Jan 04 2011

*smiles big*



Oh how much fun we have.

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Mystic
04:59 Jan 04 2011

hehe *grins* because i always here TMI lol

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